The ADVENTURES of Resighk Man! #33

Having read Resighk Man's proposal to make the world a greener place, I'm sure you'll all excited to read his first big adventure.

There was a lazy rustling in the wind in the sleepy town of Bloomsbury, Massachusetts one boring summer afternoon. As Lazy Billy rose from his comfy couch, he heard his stomach growling. Standing up, he slouched his way across his trash-ridden living room floor. There were piles of old pizza boxes, torn plastic bags and used aerosol cans. Upon opening his refrigerator (and hearing the corroded fridge door hinges groan) and reaching in past the ice cream, soda and firecrackers, and retrieved the coveted cream puffs.

Taking a handful from the family-size bag, he stuffed cream puffs into his mouth, letting some of the cream fly out at intermittent moments when he opened his mouth to yawn. Grabbing a nearby remote control and a random bag consisting of half of last night's popcorn, he turned on each of his TVs and flipped to his favorite shows: Happy Days, Leave it to Beaver, and Lazy Town.

All of a sudden he heard a loud crashing sound from outside. He rushed to the door (if you can call flopping rushing) and to his chagrin saw Fit Freddy on the pavement with a skinned knee beside a bowling ball with bits of asphalt stuck on it. Upon seeing the large dent in the side of his house, Lazy Billy screamed:
"What did you do?!"

"I'm sorry," replied Fit Freddy, "but it seems I have projected a bowling ball in the general direction of your house."

"And how did you come about doing so?" inquired Billy, with a sneer on his lip (and some cream).

"Well I was just planting some chrysanthemums in your garden when..."

"You were doing what?? Planting chrystalanthemums?"

"Chrysanthemums."

"Whatever! You know what I think about having a bit o' green in my garden!"

"I know...but your place seems so...environmentally unconscious."

"Well you might take a hint from the way I think about the environment!"

"Oh...I am not aware of this. What is your view of going green?"

"I think going green is just about as important as juggling a bowl of dog snot!" Billy bellowed. Poor Freddy was shocked as Billy continued, "And not only that, but as I see it, it's just as much of a time-waster as taking off each bristle on a toothbrush, dipping it in bleach, and replacing it! If the world was drowning in chicken noodle soup and green goers made a boat, I would sink! If a psychedelic folk song played "The root forms of Portuguese irregular verbs" and a book with that title was written by a pin-cushion manufacturer whose chairman had a dog who was featured in a "Go Green Daily" program, I would delete it off my iTunes!"

Freddy looked bewildered. "...I lost you at the noodle soup."

"Well whatever! You get the point. Now get off my property or I'll call the cops!"

"OK...fine," the Fit man consented. "Just understand that I'm going to do everything in my power to integrate green in your LIFE!" After subtly dropping another seed in Billy's garden, he was off in a jiffy.

"Heh. That'll teach him. But I'm still wondering how he got that skinned knee..." Lazy Billy snorted. But little did he know, Fit Freddy was truly intending to keep his word. Other than being the host of a show called "The Lazy E" (a show that tests the best green solutions - products and services - in real world situations.), he concealed a secret identity. After running in the street like Forest Gump, he stripped his coat and took to the sky. Fit Freddy is none other than green-going Resighk Man!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

For all of you interested in Fit Freddy's show "The Lazy E", here is quick excerpt of what's to come: